You only love me when I’m wasted

I’m glad I was able to put in some good time last week because I’m going to pretty busy with other things this coming one. Deliveries continue to be a thorn in my side the size of the Space Needle. I was some poor McDonald’s employee’s first ever Uber Eats pick-up on Tuesday and it became a whole debacle that took up the better part of an hour. I even did a rare airport pick-up that night despite the arrivals line being obscene. On Wednesday night, I took a woman from Indian Trail to the rural side of Concord. I had a unique experience on Thursday when I got a regular passenger call but it was to deliver a set of car keys to a dealership on the other side of town with the requester giving me instructions by phone. There was a woman I drove Friday afternoon that I took to an adult novelty store that was openly talking on the phone about having to go buy a new dildo because her old one had a crack in it. I nearly broke skin because I was biting my lip so hard to keep from laughing at the absurdity of my situation. I only had three trips on Saturday night but they were all long, especially the first that went from Wesley Chapel to Fort Mill to the University area. I may skip next week due to lack of material. We will simply have to see.

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Sha-Zibby! SHA-ZOOBY!

Sorry, folks. These Sundays at my regular job really mess up my posting schedule. As always, these past two weeks have given their share of escapades and so it’s time for another bullet list for simplicity’s sake.

  • The first week wasn’t all that eventful but people were feeling generous and I was tipped more often than usual as well as got offered things when asked to stop at quik-e-marts.
  • Uneventful, that is, except for the couple I brought home on July 8 after the car accident they had near the state line near Lake Wylie
  • July 9: I picked up a group from a driving range/golf facility called TopGolf that looked like a beacon of glory and luxury in the summer eve. It was really quite awe-inspiring
  • That same night I also got my first taste of doing food delivery which I recently signed up for, picking up some McDonald’s at 1 am. It’s kind of a pain in the neck to be honest since I have to juggle my phone and the food but maybe it’ll get better as it gets more widespread
  • July 15: Another delivery. 17 minutes out and I’m the nearest delivery guy. The app also got the drop-off address wrong but at least the receiver was cool about it.
  • July 16: You can verify this on the news. Someone hacked the road signs on I-77 in the middle of the night to display obscene messages. It was surreal

I’m still scheduled for the next two Sundays so I hope I can get my butt in gear on the next few Mondays.

Pass the mustard, Batman

This was an exceptionally productive week to say the least. I did some driving every single day. I guess it goes to show how popular Uber has become in Charlotte. Also, the latest update that charges riders if I have to wait too long for them to come to the car certainly helps my bottom line too. I drove a woman early Tuesday afternoon who was higher than a giraffe but she liked my Mikus so she was all right by me. Thursday had plenty of trips to the airport for the holiday weekend. I had a pretty heavy night on Friday to the tune of 27 trips including the ideal of a drop-off and immediate pick-up from the same location. I did exactly two trips on Saturday and there is a very good reason for this. The first one was a standard one from downtown Matthews to the south end of Ballantyne. The other was from there to COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA?! Specifically, I was the driver for these two Indian guys’ wild and crazy Saturday night which included KFC and the final destination of the Platinum Plus strip club. I actually have an appreciation for this club because the doorman pays out $3 a head to drivers as well as a complimentary bottle of water. But given that I had work in the morning and didn’t get back into Charlotte until about 11:30, I thought it best to call it a night. Let’s hope my future journeys keep me closer to home for now.