This acid trip is too commercial

A new post after only a week? On my blog? It’s more likely than you think. At least more likely when I’m going to be out of town the following weekend. Drugs in one’s system was the theme for the two trips I had coming home from work Wednesday night. The first was a rowdy group of middle-aged drunks looking for a ride back to their hotel. The other was a gentleman who asked me to swing by the Circle K so he could get a Powerade to cleanse his system before an upcoming drug test the following day. On Friday night, I had three different people cancel on him after I had already arrived at their pick-up location. I really wonder about these people who would rather blow $5 than just call me back. I also found someone who asked the right question and was able to take an abandoned pack of cigarettes off my hands left by a past rider. Saturday night started with a surge-boosted double delivery from a Mexican restaurant. Later on, I had the unique experience of listening to four 20-something girls scream-singing/slurring Misery Business by Paramore. If you have not had the pleasure, it is best described as a beautiful chaos. Finally, I’m making a new policy for myself and that is no more food deliveries after last call. I hate waiting in the ridiculous lines but the capper was the shitty attitude the McDonald’s drive-thru employee gave me when I piked up the food. It is an indulgence I shall not miss.

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Ruse of an Ooze

Has it really been two weeks? It only felt like one. No matter, on with the show. As seems to be the pattern, the first week wasn’t super eventful until the weekend. I tried out a fast food chain that I’ve never heard of on Friday night called Culver’s that seems to specialized in high-quality beef and custards/ice cream. Personally, I didn’t hate it but I was by no means impressed. The next day, I did one of my rare airport pick-ups and gave some local tips to my riders, specifically that the Epicentre was for basic bitches and redirected them to Plaza Midwood. That night, someone put their work address in as the destination for a food delivery when they wanted it brought to their house. The kicker is that he was still on his way home at the time and I beat him there. Ain’t that some shit?! Later on, I made another food delivery from pick-up from Hooters. Who orders take-out from Hooters, you might be asking? A woman apparently. The next trip of note was this past Tuesday. The reason is because the person who named the streets in the neighborhood of the pick-up did not know when to let up with the puns. 90% of the streets had “clever” names like Memory Lane or Long Tall Alley. It was another night of expanding my culinary horizons when I decided to wait out the traffic on I-77 at Pinky’s Westside Grill. The atmosphere was a little out there, but the staff was friendly, and the food was pretty good. Thanks to the Panthers game and 5 of my 6 trips being over 20 minutes each, I made over $100 in 4 hours on Thursday. Finally last night found me in Fort Mill during the wee hours of the morning. Among my passengers was a very drunken gentleman who in his semi-coherent slurring told me he was on the local town council and how he appreciated what I was doing for him given that he had received a DWI in the past. I have nothing to add to that. I just felt it ought to be shared.

Amish mugshots

Well, bang a gong, it’s time for more tales of the Uber King of the Queen City. I hope you’ve all been well in the interim. I’ve been doing my best to keep back the rising tide of my own responsibilities but that aside, onto the riders. Deliveries continue to be a pain in my ass as I tire of driving 15 minutes only to wait another 10 in a McDonald’s drive-thru that only has three people working to deliver someone 5 minutes away for a paltry $3.74.  First world problems, I guess. Most of my first week was fairly unremarkable but things got slightly more interesting on Sunday when I picked up someone in rural Monroe and stayed in rural territory all the way to Waxhaw with few lights besides my own and the occasional other car. Things picked up this past week starting with Wednesday and taking someone from Monroe to the Steele Creek neighborhood of Charlotte. In an amplified echo to the day I drove to Columbia, I did exactly two trips on Friday. One was a minimum fare taking someone from home to work. The other was taking a man who sold RV’s for a living from Indian Trail to Williamsboro, 3 hours and 20 minutes away. For those who do not know Williamsboro, it is about 30 miles north of Durham, near the northern state line. Needless to say, I made bank that night. Saturday was almost exclusively long trips beginning with a mother who had reason to believe her teenage son was using illicit substances recklessly which made for an engaging 40 minute trip. Finally, last night was a gentleman who seemed to be a genuinely good guy but was very drunk and very aware of it. I got the impression from our conversation that he had served in the military and wasn’t handling it in the most healthy way. The trip itself wasn’t all that exceptional; a standard take-me-to-the-convenience-store-and-back ride. He was kind enough to grab me something but on top of that, he insisted on tipping me the max amount for saving him from the DUI he would have had otherwise. As it turns out, the app does in fact set a limit which I discovered when he asked me to punch it in. Turns out the line for that specific trip is set at $22. Whatever he’s doing, I hope he is doing well.