The Mother Superior of Kicking Posterior

These weeks have been nothing short of incredible so let’s get started. On Thursday the 8th, my rider commented on being appreciative of there being no snow only for a flurry to arise five minutes later. Later on that day, I delivered a Scottish gentleman home from the airport during which we bonded a little over the course of the 50 minute trip. Then again, small talk becomes an inevitability when you’re stuck in traffic with a stranger for 45+ minutes at a time. That night as I was picking up a delivery order from Hooters, I experienced what can only be described as a clear sign of advancing age when my first thought when I came in from the 40 degree air and saw the girls in their skin-tight shirts and 6-inch length shorts was “Oh, sweetie, please tell me you have something to put on over that when your shift ends.” On a side note, it is a little peculiar how often I find the deliveries I make from “breasturants” like Hooters and Tilted Kilt are to women. That Friday, I also learned that one of the restaurant/bars in the Epicentre does UberEats so the whole parking situation there was a minor heart attack as I rushed to grab it and go. Also that night, not once but twice, the employees at restaurants gave me an extra sandwich that they would otherwise would have to throw away which is just not a thing that happens in my experience. I’ve also made a resolution to not go to the Albemarle Rd. McD’s at night after a nightmarish experience that had me waiting in the drive-thru line for a literal hour. Last Monday, I got to play relationship counselor to a young college girl who made the reasonable assumption that the year-long break that her ex had asked for meant the relationship had dissolved. That same day, I was somehow the closest available driver to a man in Cornelius while I was in Concord. Hooray for long pick-up fees. I did a little off-the-book driving on Tuesday night for a woman who was worried about walking back to her place from a 7-11 in the dark. This St. Patrick’s Day weekend, I listened to so much Irish music thanks to a dedicated station on Pandora. I had my associated fun earlier in the week when I went to Mary O’Neil’s for dinner Monday night (very good by the way). But Saturday, it was basically surging all day so I profited big time. My favorite rider was one I would describe as the most generous drunk I will ever meet. In addition to a $10 tip, she gave me a 32-oz bottle of Powerade, a 40-oz bottle of Sunny D, two bottles of Stella Artois, an apple danish, a cinnamon roll, and a mango. For my own mental health as well as that of my car, I opted to not drive the next day and took it easy. I have this coming Sunday off so expect an earlier update next time.

The Prius of Cows

I had some fun and profitable times the past two weeks so let’s get cracking. I took a white-collar gentleman to the Charlotte Squash Club which is one of the whitest sentences I’ve ever written. Last Saturday, I picked up a food delivery from a Peruvian restaurant during what I can only assume was karaoke night which was a sight to see. The office complex around IBM Dr. continues to be a navigational nightmare but least the people who work there are aware of this and provide help. Last Wednesday night, I got pulled into the conversation between my two riders regarding how I would respond if my child came out as gay or brought home a boyfriend from another race, a situation which I felt I managed effectively and diplomatically. The following evening, I picked up a food delivery big enough to require multiple trips to and from the car. Needless to say, they did not tip. Saturday saw me with a group of women that would describe as the understudies of the Jersey Shore. While in a stop-and-go line with them, my bumper got tapped. It was minor enough that no damage occurred but I imagine I gave the other guy a heart attack when my 6’3″ self with a stoic expression stepped out of the driver’s seat to access the situation. That same night, I saw two guys grappling with each other in a bar parking lot which I took as my cue to exit with my passengers. Twice in the past week, I’ve had potential riders cancel on me when I’m 95% to their pick-up locations. The joke’s on them though as I made $6 on each of them. I’ve also been listening to speed/European metal lately a la Dragonforce and the like so that’s been fun as well. Tune in next time for more adventures.