I’ll have your longest eclair

Well, this week was fun. I had an exceptionally lucrative Monday night. One caller basically sent me on a beer run instead of a ride (I ID’d him before I handed it over just to keep my butt covered). I also had two occasions where I had to drive 15 minutes to pick up a food order to someone 5 minutes away. On Tuesday, I finally went to the Whitewater center even if it was only for a pick-up. Wednesday constituted one trip which was a delivery wherein the recipient had not changed his home address in the app causing me to show up on his surprised parents’ doorstep. Luckily, it was resolved and he tipped me well for the trouble. My standout rider on Friday would be the woman who couldn’t figure out what bar she was in front of. However, the night itself ended poorly when I had to wait an hour for a food order to be prepared so it could be delivered. Word of advice: Don’t order take-out immediately after last call. I had a first-time experience on Saturday evening and that is picking up two orders at once from the same place for delivery.   Closed roads in Uptown made some of the navigation and traffic hell leading to a cancellation. I also had to cancel when I watched a would-be rider who didn’t listen get into the wrong car and ride away. The next week has me doing my real job every day so I’ll probably skip next week’s post. See you in September.


Really?! Right in front of my salad?!

Hello peoples. I had a productive week though not particularly exciting. How about y’all? The PGA tournament was this past week so rides were in high demand, for better or worse. I want to give my props to the folks who coordinated the designated Uber drop off/pick up lot; it ran very efficiently. The section of Park Rd. it sat on, not so much. On Wednesday, I had a rider who remembered me so that was neat. I hit Friday hard, doing both day and night runs. My last trip before I stopped for dinner was in Huntersville so I played around with going north at the start of the evening and nearly ended up in Statesville. Luckily, they bailed and I didn’t go beyond Mooresville. Food deliveries are getting better in so far as the restaurants are becoming better at having a system down for getting them ready and passing them along to the driver. Before I close out, I want to plug Postmodern Jukebox, my current YouTube obsession. They take songs from the past 20 years and arrange them in cabaret/jazz/etc styles. My personal favorites are their renditions of All the Small Things and Sugar, We’re Going Down. Check it out, you won’t regret it. See you next week.

It’s like a hologram that sings

So yeah, the last week of July gave me some much needed time off which meant less time driving. I still came away with some tales to tell, though. I had my best delivery to date last Friday in so far as I showed up at the restaurant and the food was all ready to go. That Saturday was schizophrenic. I tried to pick up someone from the surge outside the concert venue near Concord but the area was a traffic nightmare and killed all data exchange between phones. I ended up cancelling that trip and just picking up another group for cash. Later that night, I found myself in Mooresville and Denver and ended up spending 45 minutes just driving myself back home. This past Tuesday, someone put in an order to McDonald’s for 150 McNuggets at 12:30 at night and I was the lucky guy sent to pick it up and deliver it. I gave some relationship advice to a guy the following night, encouraging him to stay faithful and not cheat with his attractive flirtatious co-workers. Last night I ended up in an actual fight with the driver app. It’s not uncommon for a rider to ask for multiple stops which is easily facilitated because I can change the destination. However, every time I did it last night the app would just change it right back on me. Hopefully, this will be addressed the next time the app updates.

You only love me when I’m wasted

I’m glad I was able to put in some good time last week because I’m going to pretty busy with other things this coming one. Deliveries continue to be a thorn in my side the size of the Space Needle. I was some poor McDonald’s employee’s first ever Uber Eats pick-up on Tuesday and it became a whole debacle that took up the better part of an hour. I even did a rare airport pick-up that night despite the arrivals line being obscene. On Wednesday night, I took a woman from Indian Trail to the rural side of Concord. I had a unique experience on Thursday when I got a regular passenger call but it was to deliver a set of car keys to a dealership on the other side of town with the requester giving me instructions by phone. There was a woman I drove Friday afternoon that I took to an adult novelty store that was openly talking on the phone about having to go buy a new dildo because her old one had a crack in it. I nearly broke skin because I was biting my lip so hard to keep from laughing at the absurdity of my situation. I only had three trips on Saturday night but they were all long, especially the first that went from Wesley Chapel to Fort Mill to the University area. I may skip next week due to lack of material. We will simply have to see.

Sha-Zibby! SHA-ZOOBY!

Sorry, folks. These Sundays at my regular job really mess up my posting schedule. As always, these past two weeks have given their share of escapades and so it’s time for another bullet list for simplicity’s sake.

  • The first week wasn’t all that eventful but people were feeling generous and I was tipped more often than usual as well as got offered things when asked to stop at quik-e-marts.
  • Uneventful, that is, except for the couple I brought home on July 8 after the car accident they had near the state line near Lake Wylie
  • July 9: I picked up a group from a driving range/golf facility called TopGolf that looked like a beacon of glory and luxury in the summer eve. It was really quite awe-inspiring
  • That same night I also got my first taste of doing food delivery which I recently signed up for, picking up some McDonald’s at 1 am. It’s kind of a pain in the neck to be honest since I have to juggle my phone and the food but maybe it’ll get better as it gets more widespread
  • July 15: Another delivery. 17 minutes out and I’m the nearest delivery guy. The app also got the drop-off address wrong but at least the receiver was cool about it.
  • July 16: You can verify this on the news. Someone hacked the road signs on I-77 in the middle of the night to display obscene messages. It was surreal

I’m still scheduled for the next two Sundays so I hope I can get my butt in gear on the next few Mondays.

Pass the mustard, Batman

This was an exceptionally productive week to say the least. I did some driving every single day. I guess it goes to show how popular Uber has become in Charlotte. Also, the latest update that charges riders if I have to wait too long for them to come to the car certainly helps my bottom line too. I drove a woman early Tuesday afternoon who was higher than a giraffe but she liked my Mikus so she was all right by me. Thursday had plenty of trips to the airport for the holiday weekend. I had a pretty heavy night on Friday to the tune of 27 trips including the ideal of a drop-off and immediate pick-up from the same location. I did exactly two trips on Saturday and there is a very good reason for this. The first one was a standard one from downtown Matthews to the south end of Ballantyne. The other was from there to COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA?! Specifically, I was the driver for these two Indian guys’ wild and crazy Saturday night which included KFC and the final destination of the Platinum Plus strip club. I actually have an appreciation for this club because the doorman pays out $3 a head to drivers as well as a complimentary bottle of water. But given that I had work in the morning and didn’t get back into Charlotte until about 11:30, I thought it best to call it a night. Let’s hope my future journeys keep me closer to home for now.

Glory to Arstotzka

Good evening fellow passengers of Spaceship Earth. Hopefully, this entry will put me back on track. It’s been a fun week and a half so let’s get started. Last Sunday night, I had a passionate conversation with my rider about Hatsune Miku for the whole trip. It always feels good when someone shows a genuine interest in what you’re into. This week sent me into new rural territory. First on Thursday, I experienced rush hour in a new place as I crossed Lake Norman on Route 150 to get to Mountain Creek. Then my first trip on Saturday night took me to Goose Creek in Union County in an area I did not realize was an independent town. While up there, I picked up a couple who were ecstatic that was up that way since there were no one else in a 20 minute radius at the time. The majority of that night was actually spent outside of the confines of 485, either south in Fort Mill or Union County or north of it in Huntersville. It was in the latter part that I am convinced I saw an aberration as I nearly hit a guy sitting on the outer curve of an unlit road with a suitcase next to him for no discernible reason. One of those things you swear up and down is true but have no evidence or witnesses to back you up. Stay gold, people.


What’s that? I haven’t posted since May? And it’s halfway through June? Well, slap me sideways, so it is on both accounts. For the sake of brevity, I’m going to try to recap the highlights of the past 2 1/2 weeks with a list rather than through massive paragraphs so let’s get started.

  • May 29: Picked up a group of people from the racetrack just as it started to pour and took them to the other side of the county. $50 in my pocket in one trip. Another couple was kind enough to treat me to a couple of items when they asked me to swing by Taco Bell on the way to their place
  • May 30 and June 1: Both of these days I took people from Union County to the airport making $25 apiece in the process
  • June 4: I picked up two of the drunkest people I have ever seen in my life. They could barely walk and one of them left a flip-flop.
  • June 8: I learned that if a trip is too short, the Uber system will not see it as legit and call it a cancel. I found this out when I basically drove a woman across the street and the system wouldn’t let me input it normally

I’m sure there are bits that would normally be included if my past Sundays hadn’t been so busy but I suppose they will just be lost to time. C’est la vie.

That’s dope as hell, master.

On the personal side of things, this was a very stressful week for me which had an effect on my capacity to drive. Both weekdays where I wasn’t in a group home had me in day treatment which meant limited afternoon driving. On Tuesday I picked up a high school student who had the deepest voice I have ever met in person. It sounded like he was using a modifier to disguise his voice on the phone; truly remarkable. Thursday was business as usual. Friday night I barely managed to complete one trip. I say barely because as I drive away from the drop-off, I hear the tell-tale flapping sound of a flat tire. So needless to say, I cashed in that AAA membership I keep in my pocket, got a tow, and got both front tires replaced the following morning since a second one was ready to go soon as well. Saturday night proved profitable as always given that I only drove during the late-night surge period when everyone is heading home at the same time including the poor-planning putzes looking to go to Gastonia at 2:30 am. Until next time, stay gold everyone.

We have five fifths. We have one whole liquor.

It was not a particularly noteworthy week, to be honest. I put a ton of miles on the road; that’s for sure. My first ride on Tuesday was also my first last Tuesday, taking a high school student home,  so that was neat. On Thursday, I had one trip take me from Huntersville to Independence Blvd. and another one that was the reverse of that. Friday night had me driving to Fort Mill, SC twice, Waxhaw, and the clincher, a 3 am journey from Plaza Midwood to Gastonia. These people who make these requests at the latest possible hour continue to baffle me. I do, however, appreciate getting $20 tips from two riders this weekend. Last night was more or less a break. I did a couple of rides in the early evening, hung out with friends for a few hours, and then a few more in the South Charlotte area. Apparently I’m doing something wrong though since my rating is slipping somehow and someone complained that I am lacking in professionalism. I’m still in good standing with a 4.64 out of 5 so I guess all I can do is just be aware of myself.