Ruse of an Ooze

Has it really been two weeks? It only felt like one. No matter, on with the show. As seems to be the pattern, the first week wasn’t super eventful until the weekend. I tried out a fast food chain that I’ve never heard of on Friday night called Culver’s that seems to specialized in high-quality beef and custards/ice cream. Personally, I didn’t hate it but I was by no means impressed. The next day, I did one of my rare airport pick-ups and gave some local tips to my riders, specifically that the Epicentre was for basic bitches and redirected them to Plaza Midwood. That night, someone put their work address in as the destination for a food delivery when they wanted it brought to their house. The kicker is that he was still on his way home at the time and I beat him there. Ain’t that some shit?! Later on, I made another food delivery from pick-up from Hooters. Who orders take-out from Hooters, you might be asking? A woman apparently. The next trip of note was this past Tuesday. The reason is because the person who named the streets in the neighborhood of the pick-up did not know when to let up with the puns. 90% of the streets had “clever” names like Memory Lane or Long Tall Alley. It was another night of expanding my culinary horizons when I decided to wait out the traffic on I-77 at Pinky’s Westside Grill. The atmosphere was a little out there, but the staff was friendly, and the food was pretty good. Thanks to the Panthers game and 5 of my 6 trips being over 20 minutes each, I made over $100 in 4 hours on Thursday. Finally last night found me in Fort Mill during the wee hours of the morning. Among my passengers was a very drunken gentleman who in his semi-coherent slurring told me he was on the local town council and how he appreciated what I was doing for him given that he had received a DWI in the past. I have nothing to add to that. I just felt it ought to be shared.

You only love me when I’m wasted

I’m glad I was able to put in some good time last week because I’m going to pretty busy with other things this coming one. Deliveries continue to be a thorn in my side the size of the Space Needle. I was some poor McDonald’s employee’s first ever Uber Eats pick-up on Tuesday and it became a whole debacle that took up the better part of an hour. I even did a rare airport pick-up that night despite the arrivals line being obscene. On Wednesday night, I took a woman from Indian Trail to the rural side of Concord. I had a unique experience on Thursday when I got a regular passenger call but it was to deliver a set of car keys to a dealership on the other side of town with the requester giving me instructions by phone. There was a woman I drove Friday afternoon that I took to an adult novelty store that was openly talking on the phone about having to go buy a new dildo because her old one had a crack in it. I nearly broke skin because I was biting my lip so hard to keep from laughing at the absurdity of my situation. I only had three trips on Saturday night but they were all long, especially the first that went from Wesley Chapel to Fort Mill to the University area. I may skip next week due to lack of material. We will simply have to see.

Glory to Arstotzka

Good evening fellow passengers of Spaceship Earth. Hopefully, this entry will put me back on track. It’s been a fun week and a half so let’s get started. Last Sunday night, I had a passionate conversation with my rider about Hatsune Miku for the whole trip. It always feels good when someone shows a genuine interest in what you’re into. This week sent me into new rural territory. First on Thursday, I experienced rush hour in a new place as I crossed Lake Norman on Route 150 to get to Mountain Creek. Then my first trip on Saturday night took me to Goose Creek in Union County in an area I did not realize was an independent town. While up there, I picked up a couple who were ecstatic that was up that way since there were no one else in a 20 minute radius at the time. The majority of that night was actually spent outside of the confines of 485, either south in Fort Mill or Union County or north of it in Huntersville. It was in the latter part that I am convinced I saw an aberration as I nearly hit a guy sitting on the outer curve of an unlit road with a suitcase next to him for no discernible reason. One of those things you swear up and down is true but have no evidence or witnesses to back you up. Stay gold, people.

We have five fifths. We have one whole liquor.

It was not a particularly noteworthy week, to be honest. I put a ton of miles on the road; that’s for sure. My first ride on Tuesday was also my first last Tuesday, taking a high school student home,  so that was neat. On Thursday, I had one trip take me from Huntersville to Independence Blvd. and another one that was the reverse of that. Friday night had me driving to Fort Mill, SC twice, Waxhaw, and the clincher, a 3 am journey from Plaza Midwood to Gastonia. These people who make these requests at the latest possible hour continue to baffle me. I do, however, appreciate getting $20 tips from two riders this weekend. Last night was more or less a break. I did a couple of rides in the early evening, hung out with friends for a few hours, and then a few more in the South Charlotte area. Apparently I’m doing something wrong though since my rating is slipping somehow and someone complained that I am lacking in professionalism. I’m still in good standing with a 4.64 out of 5 so I guess all I can do is just be aware of myself.

I’ve Freudian slipped and I can’t get up

This weekend was a unique one to say the least. One of my riders on Friday gave me a gift/souvenir of our time together: a DTC tumbler (see photo below).  I’ve tried to find the logo online to identify it but have come back empty-handed. Beyond that, my most noteworthy passengers that night were a family of three with a crying child. Saturday was when the oddballs came out since I was driving later in the night. My first ride of the night took me from Matthews to Fort Mill. The ride immediately after that was a pick-up from the Anne Springs Close Greenway Dairy Barn which is apparently a popular event venue in the area. It still threw me for a loop when I had to drive down a dirt road to get to the building. At about 2 am, I picked up a fella who not only asked me to play Justin Bieber but also to tell some jokes as we started our trip. I also got my nightly dosage of pinheads in one trip in the form of two guys and a girl who were enormously loopy and all struggling with the idea of why it’s pointless to turn the heat up if they also have the windows open to smoke. Overall, this weekend was very profitable and I look forward to doing it all again next weekend.

I guess you’re the “science guy” now

I wouldn’t necessarily call this week strange but it’s been interesting. Tuesday had some long dead periods but I was able to make up fro it with a couple of longer trips. This morning, I took a trucker to his HQ depot, including his supplies for the long haul like  bulk packages of bottled water and cup o’ noodles. It’s the sort of thing you don’t think about until it’s right in front of you but make sense in the moment. This afternoon, I went to see a movie and played the “going home” game coming back and it proved more profitable than expected as well as highlight-filled. I had to help a stoner come up with an excuse to tell his girlfriend for why he left the stove on. The best I could come up with on the fly was that he was preheating it for his return but he seemed satisfied with my answer. My journeys also took me to Fort Mill which is unusual for a weekday evening. On a non-trip related note, I saw one of those family sticker collections on a rear window and one of the children had additional stickers for wings and a halo. I find it disconcerting that the manufacturers accounted for this contingency. Finally, a food blog moment: I tried a bottle of Crystal Pepsi. It tastes like ginger ale. Save your money. See you on Saturday.

Winners don’t use drugs

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve been slacking so it’s time for a full-week mega-post. It’s not completely my fault though; demand wasn’t especially high on the weekdays. I almost expanded into new territory on Tuesday by picking up someone in Davidson, north of Cornelius, but they cancelled on me. I got called in to day treatment on Thursday on top of more hours at work, so I only did a couple of trips around Matthews before calling it a day. Moving on to Friday, I’ve now learned its significance in the Islamic faith as I took a gentleman to the congregation at the Islamic center on The Plaza. I was able to dodge the worst of the weather but I still had to bite and claw my way through rush hour. Saturday was the prime time that pulled me out of the slump. Hardly anyone was on the road and the air was cold, so demand was high. I drove a group of three less than half a mile because they couldn’t bear to walk in the freezing night. Conversely, I made two drop-offs in Fort Mill. I also continue to get a kick out of people saying they love the nostalgia trips I give them when I play early 2000’s pop-punk on Pandora. I’ll try to more self-disciplined about posting, so keep watching.

Hidy-ho to Spoon Nation

I did my civic duty at the top of the morning and then hit the road and guess what? It was worth my while. Another trip from Uptown to Fort Mill. Apparently the man’s dentist was what brought him across state lines. My travels also brought me to the northern tip of the county too with a drop-off at a quik-e-mart in Cornelius. In a more general sense, I’m going to be slightly less complicit with the directions that Uber navigation gives me after it sent me down a gravel road complete with massive potholes. Also, I started listening to Pandora comedy between rides which is definitely a practice I plan to continue. Tomorrow is my last day on the road for the week so here’s hoping it’s productive.